In many ways Eclipse, the third entry into the Twilight series of films, is the best to come along. More than ever the love triangle of Isabella Swan, Edward Cullen and Jacob Black feels rooted, set in its ways. Whereas Twilight and last fall’s New Moon might have been hinting at new recruits, more fans to shriek at their respected “team” leaders. Only seven months since its last predecessor Eclipse also feels the most rushed, yet lingering still. Eclipse is full-on deprecating humor, attaching Bella to the series’ prescribed notion of diluted grimness.

The latest entry yet again follows the desirable Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart), picking up exactly where New Moon’s marriage cliffhanger left off. Edward (Robert Pattinson) is iffy on Bella’s whole “make me a vampire” wishes, agreeing only to bite her himself if she becomes his bride. Then there’s Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), the Native American ringleader of the werewolf clan, six-packs amore in lieu of strewn clothing. He still wants Bella for himself. Oh yeah, and now there’s Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard), out for revenge on Edward for murdering her lover James in the first movie. She’s been gathering a Newborn Vampire Army ever since. Jacob’s werewolf pals agree to help the Cullens put this interspecies battle to a halt. Bella’s at the center of it all.

Maybe there’s just something I’m not getting. I try hard not to rip these movies apart (even when they’re really itching for it) because I’m aware there’s already a built-in crowd for this romantic venture. What I’m still not able to understand is how teenage girls are able to socially or emotionally reach the level of Bella’s problems. Jacob and Edward are at each other’s throats over this kid for reasons beyond me. Like I said, Eclipse is far past registering a fresh fan base. This triangle stomps on without a glimpse of moral decency.

Director David Slade’s mess makes yet another mistake with buying into its own debasing recreation (i.e. Team Jacob, Team Edward, etc.). These flicks have become less actual movies than they have banners celebrating success, not cinematic triumph. Was I expecting that at this point? Of course not. You could be a fan of this trilogy thus far, and I’m perfectly okay with that. I can only speak for myself, and to me Eclipse is simply unbearable. What kills me even more is the way these “actors”, nary characters, spin their maleficent lines of dialogue as if they were quoting something Shakespearean. Penned for the screen by Melissa Rosenberg (no relation to our writer Matt, thankfully), the way Eclipse storms past existing plot holes, relationship melodrama, or even Slade’s ignorant directing styles might actually make this the worst breadwinner since the original Twilight.

A lot could be blamed on Stephenie Meyer, the writer of the Twilight series of books. I could point fingers here towards who’s really at fault, but I won’t. The Twilight Saga: Eclipse is just more of the generic same. There’s no middling ground; you’re either on one side of the fence or the other. By reading this review you’ve no interest in seeing this movie, have already, or came just to tear me a new assh*le for ragging on it. The series has succumbed to hype it has itself built upon, feeling lost in the world it has itself created and lingering and lingering and lingering.

SKIP IT.