Oh yes. So, this definitely confirms it: we are actually living through the age in which board games are being turned into movies. Perhaps because Battleship was such a huge success (not!), the powers that be have decided to turn three other Hasbro board games/toys to the big screen. What might these specific titles be? Oh you know, Monopoly, Hungry Hungry Hippos, and Action Man. Monopoly, the movie?!  That’s right. Take all the time you need, still having trouble digesting it myself.

So there you have it, Banterers, as early as 2013, you may very well lining up to see a movie adaptation of Monopoly (utilities be damned, I have my eyes set on Park Place). Will it be the longest film ever made, referencing the board game’s seemingly un-ending quality? Not sure. But, apparently Emmett/Furla Films, who’ve made quite a few films in the mediocre-at-best quality range such as Day of the Dead and The Wicker Man, will serve as the production team behind all three films, and yours truly, Monopoly, will be first on their slate of we’re-all-out-of-ideas movies.

Oh. No. Has it really come to this? What, did we run out of books or something? If we really are in dire need to adapt something, surely someone, somewhere had a better idea than Monopoly?! In fact, I was at a book reading with Michael Chabon and Zadie Smith last night where they answered an audience question about how they would feel if any of their novels ever turned out on the big screen. Neither of the authors have seen that day yet. So, no we definitely haven’t run out of (good) books from which to adapt.

What else could have prompted such a terrible decision? Not only was the latest board-game-turned-movie, Battleship, terrible, but it also did horrifically in the box office. So it’s definitely not precedent.

Nope, something else is guiding this decision. Perhaps it’s lack of faith in the movie-goers? A “what won’t they watch?!” kind of thing? I guess nothing really matters, like deciphering what the driving motives behind these future movies are, except for knowing that these are going to happen.

And while Hungry Hungry Hippos sounds the best out of all three ideas–especially given my penchant for the most dangerous animals in the world–something (or rather precedent) is telling me that these won’t be good movies.

It looks like we’ve just received a Proceed Directly to Jail card. At least we’re in this together.