Worst 5 Movies of the Summer + Superlatives
Posted by Matt Rosenberg on September 1, 2009 at 12:10 am
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REDDITWith the Top 5 Movies being posted yesterday, we at TheMovieBanter would like to run through the worst 5 movies of the Summer. Like we mentioned yesterday, Summer 2009 was full of big budget action films and highly anticipated sequels. Lots of cash was spent on bringing back comic heroes, robots, wizards, and over-exposed comedians, creating some of the biggest film disappointments of the year. Trailers surfaced in Winter and Spring generating lots of hype for the Summer lineup. We go in with high hopes, and often leave unhappy, unsatisfied and $12 poorer (depending on where you’re from). Let’s take a tour through the poorly written scripts, the over hyped trailers, the tacky magazine headlines, and the excessive spending that make up the 5 worst films of Summer 2009.
The Baader Meinhof Complex trailer Honorable Mention – Wolverine, G.I. Joe, The Collector
The reason that this film doesn’t sink lower on the list was that everyone kind of assumed it would suck. Also, Danny McBride is absolutely hilarious. Sure, Will Ferrell is getting old, but we all know what to expect with his films. The thing that bothers me the most is that how could a studio decide to pony up $100 million to make this movie. What were they thinking? That’s like buying Enron stock after being tipped of the fraud and bankruptcy. Were they even trying here? I thought this movie had some potential. I was mistaken. Land of the Lost sits at number 5 on our list, and isn’t lower only because everyone, including fans and critics, said it would suck.
With the success of Borat, Sasha Baron Cohen returned to the big screen in a yellow swimsuit, a fishnet top, and a microphone, touring America in search of flamboyant homosexuality. What he gained in Borat, he lost in Bruno. What did we love about Borat? It was fresh, it was clever, it was hilarious, and it kept our attention for the entirety of the film. When writing this script, it seemed that Cohen sat down and had the sole objective of trying to be more inappropriate, repulsive, and outrageous compared to that of Borat. Sadly, Borat flirted on the line between inappropriately funny and distasteful. Bruno crossed that line. Angry film goers stormed out of theaters demanding their money back. Borat at least had some plot line. Bruno was a messy collaboration of skits that offer nothing new from Cohen; simply said, no substance. A lot of us had high hopes for Bruno, and we were dissatisfied with the outcome, leaving Bruno at number 4 on our list.
All I need to say is ‘oh man.’ Once Bale went loony tunes on set, the word on the street for this movie was not good. Even Terminator 3 – “Rise of the Machines” was a terrible idea and an awful movie; I wanted to rise from my seat and terminate the projector. Who in their right mind decided to green light another one? Terminator Salvation failed to redeem the franchise that Arnold and James Cameron had so brilliantly created back in the 80’s and early 90’s. This Summer was the Summer of the Christian Bale pay check; he sacrificed performing in solid movies for the sake of his bank account. Terminator Salvation was given an excessive budget, was too loud, was poorly written, and was plain stupid to watch. Please let this franchise die in peace. Terminator Salvation falls at number 3 on our list.
The bizarre thing in Public Enemies was that it actually looked good from the trailer. How could they screw up a movie directed by Michael Mann and starring Johnny Depp and Christian Bale? Well, they did. And, what do you know, Bale makes his second appearance on the list that nobody wants to be on. I think my shock to how bad this movie was, exceeded the boredom I suffered. The love story between Depp (John) and Marion Cotillard (Billie) went something like this – Cotillard: “Oh John, I dunno, I’m just some poor innocent girl. I’m confused. I’m insecure. Uhh, I dunno.” Depp: “I’m Johnny Depp, I’m so cool, I like stealing money, you’re coming with me…Now.” Cotillard:” Ok.” I was more let down in this movie than any movie this Summer. 2.5 hours of rambling tommy guns, chaotic scenes, characters who we could not identify with nor did we know, and a female beating scene that pretty much came out of nowhere. This movie is a stain on Depp’s career and left Bale’s career somewhere in the narrows. Bale better be itching to start the next Batman, thus he can star in a movie that is actually good. Public Enemies is #2 on our worst movies of the Summer.
The Banter’s very own Craig Kessler had anything but good things to say about this film. Comic genius Harold Ramis, the film’s writer and director, left his genius at the door for this one. He has come a long way since Caddy Shack, Stripes and Ghostbusters. Jack Black and Michael Cera are uncomfortable to watch on screen. In fact, Michael Cera’s awkward gimic has run its course. He plays the same guy in every movie; hey man, you’re getting old. On a side note, Cera seems to be the lone remaining hold out from an “Arrested Development” movie. Man has fame gotten to his head. Anyways, Craig says “this movie is the worst movie of the year” thus far. This movie fails in every way possible. If you saw it, I feel bad for you…If you’re thinking about it, please do not waste your money or time. This isn’t worth the toilet paper you use to wipe with. In fact, it’s not worth half that price. Ramis, Black and Cera …do yourselves a favor…buy all the copies of this film and go have a bond fire. Year One Can-Can move is the worst movie of the Summer and the worst movie of the year thus far.
Superlatives:
Most disappointing movie – Public Enemies
Most “This movie should have been better” – Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
Most “It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t that bad” – Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Most “I know you all thought it sucked, but I kind of liked it” – tie with Angels & Demons and The Taking of Pelham 1.2.3
Most “It was good, but why does everyone think it was amazing?” – Inglorious Basterds
What are you thoughts?
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