At the end of every summer, we find ourselves looking back at the long, warm nights spent, the delicious barbecues attended, and the bad decisions made, somehow justified by said warm summer nights. Well, we here at The Movie Banter also engage in this period of reflection: we look excitedly towards the future, we fondly remember the good, and then there’s the bad. The bad we look upon with disgust, but also with the smallest shred of hope that next summer there might be less bad. Despite being disappointed every year, it never hurts to hope, right? Right. And so with that, allow me to present the bad–the really bad–of this summer, with the somewhat unattainable wish that this reflection might somehow halt the need for future Top 10 Worst Movies of the Summer lists.

10. Lorene Scafaria’s Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

I keep wondering if Seeking a Friend for the End of the World would be a bad movie had it not been advertised as a completely different film than it ended up being. I think the answer is a resounding “yes,” but I’m not sure it would have been as bad. You see, Seeking a Friend for the End of the World was marketed as a quirky Steve Carell comedy about how he, a depressed middle-aged insurance broker, deals with the news that the end of the world is quickly approaching in three weeks time. That was the movie I payed to see, not the movie I actually got, which was a dramatic romance, emphasis on the romance. Seeking a Friend for the End of the World was cheesy, with a capital cheese, and more so, it was bad. Not Carell, not Keira Knightley, not Adam Brody, not Patton Oswalt, and not Martin Sheen could save this sinking ship. Was this perhaps just serving as the medium’s metaphor for the end of the world, becoming the most meta film to date? Well, honestly it doesn’t really matter because it is not a movie I care to see again.

9. Adam Shankman’s Rock of Ages

I’m going to be honest with you: I’m not a musical fan. Save for The Sound of Music, I find myself favoring only the really bad, but at the same time really great musicals that come out– like Burlesque. I do recognize, however, that musicals can be good movies. Chicago, The West Side Story, and Moulin Rouge have all been critically acclaimed. Many count these as great movies. Rock of Ages, however, is no such film. Boasting a fuller than full cast led by Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Mary J. Blige, Bryan Cranston, Paul Giamatti, and Will Forte among others, Rock of Ages was nowhere near good, perhaps relying a little too heavily on its incredible amalgamation of famous people rather than on an actual stimulating script, plot, or dialogue. Instead, we were left with a bunch of characters sometimes interacting, and I use the word “character” loosely because it was impossible to forget about these actor’s star power. Rather I was watching Alec Baldwin being stoned and Tom Cruise playing Rock Band, as opposed to believing that they were who they said they were. And continuing on this note of disbelief: Tom Cruise, a rock legend? Not in this era, or in that one either apparently.

8. Barry Sonnenfeld’s Men in Black 3

Hey Barry Sonnenfeld, here’s a question: why would you make a third Men in Black franchise when the second one sucked so very much? Some pointed questions might never be answered I guess, but it doesn’t make it any less of a valid point. I suppose it’s not entirely common practice to give up on a money-making franchise with just one bad installment (uh, all of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies after the first one), but I really think it should be. If that were the case, then it would save us viewers from movies like Men in Black 3, or at least that’s the hope. But instead, the Men in Black 3‘s of the world get made and I feel somehow compelled to go and watch them (you bet your ass I’m going to see the fifth Indiana Jones movie despite the awfulness that was Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull). And just as sure as I’ll be incredibly disappointed by Indiana Jones 5, Men in Black 3 provided that same experience in most of its viewers. There isn’t enough chemistry in the world, or rather, between Tommy Lee Jones, Will Smith, and Josh Brolin to save this movie. There just isn’t.

7. Sacha Baron Cohen’s The Dictator

The main issue with Sacha Baron Cohen’s The Dictator was not its un-p.c. subject, it was not Cohen’s mildly (or widely depending on your stomach for it) offensive portrayal of an Arab man, it was not that it was filled to the brim with jokes between hardly any plot. Nope, all of these things tend to work in favor for any of Cohen’s feature films; in fact, Borat and Bruno more than prove that point. The main degrading factor in The Dictator was Cohen’s fatal decision to follow a basic feature-film-narrative. Rather, gone was the reality-show and improve style of his first two films, and in its place was a completely scripted film. That’s not to say that the first two weren’t scripted–loosely or otherwise–but in the first two it felt that Cohen’s created characters were scripted while his interactions were not. But now with a movie starring Anna Faris as the romantic lead, this felt much more of just a way-over-the-top comedy than anything revealing at all. Better luck next time, Cohen.

6. Len Wiseman’s Total Recall

The thing about Total Recall is that the original isn’t even good. Sure, it’s somehow acquired cult classic status, but it is nowhere close to being a good movie. So, why exactly Len Wiseman chose this film to remake is beyond me. The subject matter is far too ridiculous to ever really be a good movie. And more than that: Kate Beckinsale, Collin Farrell, and Jessica Biel, really?! Who green-lighted this hodgepodge of not-quite-there talent? And given these two main factors, was it really a surprise to anyone that Total Recall, take 2, wasn’t the celebrated hit Wiseman had probably hoped it would be? Not at all.

5. Bradley Parker’s Chernobyl Diaries

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good let’s-blame-the-Soviets movie, with or without radioactive mutated people, any day of the week. And so, you could see my decision to go see Chernobyl Diaries, a movie that promised both those things. And while it definitely did deliver both Soviet antagonists and radiation-mutated people, these two elements were not enough to make up for the terribleness that was this movie. Like a lesson in how not to act, Jesse McCartney’s lead role should have immediately tipped me off about this movie’s degraded status. But, alas, it did not, and I foolishly hoped his other cast mates would take their job as actors more seriously, maybe because of their unknown status in Hollywood. But, they clearly did not. What I was left with, then, was an extremely (seriously) predictable horror movie (without much horror) that boasted bad acting and terrible, terrible attempts at European accents. The only thing I truly enjoyed was the brief throwback to the Clueless soundtrack in the beginning of the film. It was a steep downhill from there.

4. Oliver Stone’s Savages

Oliver Stone presents an interesting case. Politically speaking, I just love the man. And even more than that, his early filmography is completely worthy of such an undying love. Hits like Platoon, Natural Born Killers, and JFK more than prove his fluency in filmmaking. The thing is is that as of late, Stone has been missing the mark. I wrote off Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps as just another Shia LaBeouf-destroyed franchise reboot (despite my nostalgic love for him–I mean, Even Stevens was a really good show), but as shown by this summer’s Savages, Stone is 0 for 2 in the summer blockbuster category in as many years. This is disappointing for sure, especially considering the book the movie is based on is loved by many. While the movie itself was all around bad–bad acting, dialogue, and bad hair piece worn by John Travolta–Stone really seems to have gone the most wrong in hiring “How-you-know-Dougie”-Blake-Lively. And just as she made that one fateful line the only thing I think of when reminded of Ben Affleck’s failed attempt at The Departed with The Town, I now find myself associating Savages with another such Lively-uttered line: “And yes, I’m with both of them.” Give me something better next time, Stone. Seriously.

3. Tim Burton’s Dark Shadows

When Dark Shadows came out, I rushed to the theater to see it. Based on the preview the cast–Eva Green, Michelle Pfeiffer, Johnny Lee Miller, Helena Bonham Carter, and yes, even Johnny Depp– and the plot looked so captivating that I was dying to see it months before it came out. Throw in that soundtrack, 70s fashion, and a vampire and Burton had me at “Dark.” Well, ain’t it just the worst when having such high hopes for such a terrible film? And terrible it truly was. The acting was laughable, with all the actors making it seem as if they did this movie simply because they owed Burton a favor. But when will the favors end?! Definitely not soon enough, because if any of the actors had bothered reading the script before actually signing onto the damn thing, they would have realized it was not only filled with holes, but also that it was filled with too much. Not every character needs three side stories, especially when those stories are not at all explained. As I wait patiently for Frakenweenie, I hope, I plead, I beg that Burton takes his audience more seriously this time around.

2. Timur Bekmambetov’s Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

My God, Abraham Lincoln is so hot right now. The man credited with leading the union and abolishing slavery is blowing up right now. And so, not only are we getting a Steven Spielberg directed, Daniel Day Lewis starred biopic later this year, but we also got something to wet our palates: a historical interpretation of Lincoln as a hunter of not only confederates, but also of vampires. And while this had the potential to be good, or at the very least fun, in effect, it really, really wasn’t. Incredibly bad, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and its cast led by Benjamin Walker, Dominic Cooper and Anthony Mackie, got some of the worst reviews from the formidable summer line up across the board. It’s just as well because I suppose there really never was a chance it could compete with Spielberg’s sure-to-be masterpiece (too much?). You heard it here first: two trends (vampires and Lincoln), do not necessarily make a right.

1. Peter Berg’s Battleship

It’s really hard for me to tell you what actually went wrong in Battleship. I mean, no element in and of itself was SO bad that it single-handedly ruined the movie, not even Rihanna. Call me crazy (or is it maybe?) but the movie even looked semi-enjoyable from its preview. I mean, it had Liam Neeson, intergalactic war, water-living aliens, Alexander Skatsgaard, navy men, and even Rihanna. Its real problem may have been not that it did anything specifically wrong, but rather that it did nothing right. And what did that leave us with? A terrible, unwatchable film. Maybe this will stop the theme-park-ride/boardgame turned movie craze? I certainly hope so. Well, if we take anything from Battleship it’s that Liam Neeson cannot be held responsible to save entire movies. Nope, just people. And on that note have you seen the preview for Taken 2 yet?!

Reading the line-up for the blockbusters of Summer 2012, I get a little nugget of excitement in the bottom of my stomach that I haven’t felt in quite some time. As of late, I’ve been very vocal about the fact that I’ve been feeling, well, utter disappointment (not to be dramatic) with the current state of summer blockbusters. Is it too much to ask for something reminiscent of a Lethal Weapon, a Beverly Hills Cop or a Die Hard?! And why hasn’t any alien movie been able to outdo the awesomeness that was Independence Day?! Well, I’m not saying that Summer 2012 has all the answers or even ten hands-down gonna-be-hits, but I am saying that there’s a lot of hope this year: hope that this summer will be different, hope that we will be granted a new John McClane-esque action star, hope that this summer we will finally be given a movie that can rival the epic-ness that was Independence Day. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from Obama, it’s that it never hurts to have a little hope. And with that note, please queue the list of Summer 2012′s Ten Most Anticipated (and hopefully great) Movies.

1. Joss Whedon’s The Avengers out May 4

I like to think that Joss Whedon’s take on the Marvel comic, The Avengers, came about because some intern somewhere dared to ask the question that someone asks each year, “What Marvel comic book hero are we going to make into a hit movie this year?” Leave it to someone as skilled as Joss Whedon to see the bigger picture. “A movie about one hero?! Not in my town,” he might say. “Let’s do a movie about them all.” And so, we have The Avengers, a movie about all the Marvel comic book heroes. Doesn’t get any more blockbuster-y than that, right? Well, this is especially the case when considering the cast: Robert Downey, Jr., Scarlett Johansson, Chris Evans, Samuel L. Jackson, Chris Hemsworth, Jeremy Renner, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mark Ruffalo, Paul Bettany, and Stellan Skarsgard. Have you heard of them? Well, if that cast and that plot does not a summer blockbuster make, then I’m not sure what does.