Fools as in people who went into UK theaters, sat down to watch a movie, and after ten minutes realized there is no sound. Not due to any defect with the quality or the theater itself. It’s 100% because they were sitting down in a theater playing The Artist—the soon-to-be Academy Award winning film. You know? The silent one. The one recreating the early motion picture style in the year 2011. The one that clearly had no dialogue.

Oh, man. People. They are the worse AND the best. This is right up there with those Einsteins who thought Drive was Fast and the Furious 9.

And I think what blows my mind the most is that they demanded a refund. Because of their own mistake! Whoa! That’s like going to a restaurant, reading the menu, ordering something from the menu, getting the EXACT thing you ordered, but sending it back because it confuses you. As in you weren’t prepared enough so someone else should have to correct it. Personally, I would be too embarrassed to ask for a refund. Stupid me! But, no, stupid them.

The Odeon Theaters gave them their money back! They claim it has to do with their “within the first ten minutes policy” which is probably true. But these people are now global news because of poor planning and research.

On a completely different note, The Artist was recently named the Producers Guild’s Best Picture, so it’s not struggling too badly. You don’t have to feel sorry for it. Feel sorry for those who don’t think too darn good.

Raise your hand if you’d watch Justin Timberlake in anything?

If you raised you’re hand for the first question, John himself is right there with you naming Timberlake as the number one person he’d like to see in his biographical film. If you raised your hand for number two, you’re a liar. Where were you for In Time?

Again, yes, John has got a sweet tooth himself for Justin to play him. There is no final script yet and John’s not necessarily ready to look into casting until everything else is where he wants it. Most likely that place is colorful and strange and beautiful, much like his music. Apparently it’s super visual, and he wants it to be sing-a-long-esque. But, you know, more artsy and also successful and, of course, a greatest hits package for everyone of all ages. Okay.

The real winner here is that Timberlake has already played John! Winner winner winner. Jackpot! Watch that here. You’ll enjoy it. And it’s a great song. Which of course is the whole draw to this thing.

Elton’s John music, regardless of how crazy his antics—ridiculous glasses, going bankrupt—has always been universal. At least for as long as I’ve been on this planet (which is still definitely shorter than John’s music.)

This would be great casting, but seems as though Timberlake may pass solely for the reason everyone else thinks it could work: been there, done that. As we all know, he’s focusing on something he hasn’t perfected quite like music. Right, acting? Right. So maybe this is a natural hybrid of sorts for him to make the world love him again. Oh, wait a minute, we all do anyway. Even if it’s in Bad Teacher. We’re crazy.

So its that time of year again: Christmas time!

But its also the time of year where Hollywood releases it annual Black List: a list of not-yet-produced scripts floating around Hollywood waiting to make their big debut. This year, there are a whole lot of good ones out there.

Number one on the list is The Imitation Game, a screenplay by Graham Moore about the famous Alan Turing. The screenplay is produced by Nora Grossman and Ido Ostrowsky.  Turing was a WWII cryptographer who killed himself after being prosecuted for being gay. I’m actually surprised this hasn’t been picked up yet, but that explains why it’s grabbed number one by a long shot. In the right hands, this could be great. By the right hands, I mean someone who’s not afraid to be both edgy and truthful. There’s a lot of important and sensitive material here, so we expect a lot from this one.

There are plenty of compelling stories on the Black List but there are two that, for me, stand out from the crowd. The first is called Chewie by Evan Susser about seeing Star Wars being made through the eyes of Peter Mayhew aka Chewbacca. Anything Star Wars related and I’m in. Make it comedic? I think we could be dating…Weird. This is a satirical look from the eyes of a (and don’t kill me) second tier character that has little plot involvement. Don’t get me wrong: big time Chewie fan here, but a look at everyone else going crazy sounds fascinating.

My personal number one: Father Daughter Time: A Tale of Armed Robbery and Eskimo Kisses by Matthew Aldrich. If the title itself doesn’t win you over, you’re wrong. But the story of a father and eleven-year-old daughter going on a “crime spree” sounds PHENOMENAL. In the post Kick-Ass world we live in where kids say the darnest and most vulgar things, the possibilities here are endless. This one sounds fun and original and like a lot of people will have issues with the content. It’s great to see people pushing limits and expectations and this is one that could really do that!

For a full list head here. Although some people consider this list a way for certain agencies to push their own agendas. However, it often results in some excellent films: Juno, (500) Days of Summer, and The Social Network. Here’s to 2013′s Oscar race looking more exciting than this year’s. Uh oh. Can I say that?

When I say that’s, you’re thinking: they are back with a rather successful, fun movie that many will so fondly recollect on the Muppets they knew as children.

According to Fox’s Follow the Money that is NOT what I mean. On the December 2 newscast, the commentators got into a very agreeable conversation about how clearly this movie was trying to brainwash our children that money and success is a bad thing and should not be looked down on. They are furious!

Apparently the reason The Muppets need to stop Tex Richman from taking over their studio is because they are against his beliefs as a successful business man. It has NOTHING to do with him tearing down their studio. NOTHING to do with him laughing at how little he cares about the Muppets. Nothing to do with using other Muppets to deceive and secretly take over and destroy their old home. It is 100% solely because he has money and has made it in an oil business.

Does the correspondent agree? ABSOLUTELY!!!

And they can follow it all the way to the source material: the liberal media hates oil. Some simple math is involved.

The Muppets = Cars 2 = Syriana = There Will be Blood = The Matrix

I know I personally have felt the same coming out of each of those movies and the overlying theme in each is oil is bad. Forget the puppets and cartoons. Disregard that Blood was about an incredibly crazy oil tycoon and is based on a 1927 Upton Sinclair novel. And The Matrix was kind of a fun action movie?

But the reason that Tex Richman gets defeated by the Muppets is because he is a bad guy in a children’s movie. He could be a bear or a dragon (if they did the Muppets in the Middle Ages.) The evil baron storyline is weak as it is and, in the end, he is defeated by simple means that are easy for children to understand. Again, not due to his profession but due to him trying to harm the Muppets livelihood. And by the end? He’s singing and dancing with the rest of them? Team oil?

Listen, I, like most smart adults, love a good fart joke as much as the next guy or girl. I think those are VERY important to a child’s upbringing. One of the last arguments the Fox show uses is that children don’t need to be exposed to this stuff—such as homelessness on Sesame Street. But awareness is a good thing one way or the other, conservative or liberal. Why can’t we all just hold hands and enjoy the Muppets succeeding? Why must we root against them as well? Give peace a chance and stuff!

Snow White & the Huntsman looks okay for what it is. It’s action adventure-y and, in the trailer, they strayed from showing Kristen Stewart as much as possible. Smart people! But there seems to be reason for it as the trailer builds upon itself.

Mirror Mirror is a whole different beast. Looking to bank primarily on bad PG comedy, the trailer is somewhat trite. It’s hard to see why there is no focus on the Snow White character, and I’m also not sure there’s plot…There has to be, though, right? I’ve forgotten; is that a thing movies still have to have? Anyway, you know what there was a lot of? Julia Roberts.

For two films about Snow White, it strikes me odd that the two Evil Queens take priority (Charlize Theron in Huntsman and Roberts in Mirror Mirror). Luckily for Mirror Mirror, it doesn’t mention Snow White by name in the title. I bet that relieved a few people in the pitch meeting.

Executive One: So it doesn’t need to be about Snow White?
Executive Two: Bingo!

After the great pitch meeting, they decided on a movie about Julia Roberts making “funny” (bad) puns and using “clever” (bad) phrasings for another hundred and twenty minutes. After the success of Larry Crowne, one of the higher ups wanted to get her more dialogue but this time by tarnishing a classic fairy tale. Obviously Tom Hanks was the problem last time. Bazinga! Good one, guys. Haha. Jokes on you. We love it.

But the thing is we don’t. Because Mirror Mirror offers us nothing except Roberts. We get no glimpse into any motive. Although I think somewhere in between all her audio clips I got: Snow White = Bad. Price = Sexy Time. This is some pretty deep stuff we’re working with here. Hold on to your good looks.

What surprises me most is that Relativity Media didn’t market this film in a way that could show off the success of its last film Immortals. Maybe because Huntsman took it out from under them? Maybe everyone there really loved Pretty Woman. Who Knows? But the Mirror Mirror trailer,

You’ve Got to Be Kidding Me!

Today we finally get a real trailer for The Hunger Games. So far, their viral campaign has been great with both the moving poster and the teaser trailer. Thus, it makes sense that this would be just as great, right?

RIGHT! I’m now even more excited! The trailer basically shows the first part of the book, or everything up to the actual Hunger Games. To those who have read it, it’s obvious how much they give away and what they’re actually showing. Basically, they do a great job setting up the games.

The most striking thing about the trailer is how bleak they make it seem. Woo! I know that saying ‘Woo!’ to this is awful, but this isn’t a happy go lucky story, kids. She doesn’t become a wizard or end up with a boringly sexy vampire. She is a poor girl in a dystopian society, which is bullied by an extremely rich government. They do have to romanticize the connection between Katniss, Peeta, and Gale, but it seems like it’s going to be done in the tasteful, B-plotline that it is in the book. (My honest guess: there will be plenty of love story…)

As much as I enjoyed the small preview here, there is one thing that stands extremely clear: Jennifer Lawrence can act. At first unsure of her as Katniss, this proves how, oh, so wrong I was. Here, she makes me eat my own words and follows up to make sure I’ve choked on them. Sure, Elizabeth Banks and Lenny Kravitz look great, but Katniss has to act in a way Kristin Stewart will never care to know. Lawrence has to make us root for her the whole time, but not by falling in love. She must retain our sympathy while murdering other children.

Watch for yourself. This is more exciting than anything I’ve seen coming out this fall. (I know I’m going to have to choke on those words later too.) And the last moment when the games start, oh boy!

Team Peeta!!

(Also can anyone tell me why you pick teams even though a story has already ended?)

Forbes has put together its list of the most overpaid movie stars. The list compares the cost of the actor versus the total box office. The differences are astronomical. Kind of.

Drew Barrymore is number one on the list due to her films Lucky You (2007) and Everybody’s Fine (2009) which were a considerable time ago. I’m pretty sure I’ve either seen Everybody’s Fine or never heard of it. Must’ve been good. Eddie Murphy makes the list because of excellent career choices like Meet Dave (2008) and Imagine That (2009). May 1st was the cut off date so Tower Heist does not factor in. Something tells me that may be good for him considering it placed second in this weekend’s box office. I bet he really wishes Donkey had a part in Puss in Boots if you know what I’m saying. You should know because it is very literal: he would have made much more money being in that film. Because it is doing well. Because people wanted to see it…(Animation films do not count in this equation because the main draw is the cartoon.)

Will Ferrell is number three even though he has been in the top spot for the last couple years. If I remember correctly, Ferrell used to be funny. Can anyone confirm this? That really seems like a thing that happened? Hm. Oh well. The Other Guys is what helped him fall in the list. Land of the Lost is what initially earned him that top spot.

Reese Witherspoon is number four because, for some reason, she decided to do How Do You Know. But so did Jack Nicholson, Paul Rudd, and Owen Wilson. Weird.

Denzel Washington rounds out the top five. Why? Why would Denzel make the top five when all his movies do so well? Because he celebrates Hollywood like some actors and actresses don’t know how. He asks for so much money per movie that they have to make a gagillion times more to break even on his salary. Notice the lack of other big names in his movies? He doesn’t want them there. At this point, he’s got an Oscar. The guy’s retiring in the most fun way possible. He puts his feet up and coasts through Unstoppable.

Thus, I want to congratulate number five on doing it right. This is the end of the article. I’m shaking my head in disbelief as I eat cold Ramen.

Yesterday, the company decided their split of Netflix into two separate entities was a bad idea. This is about a month after everyone else did. Qwikster, the harebrained spin off service, has disappeared due to 100% negative feedback. (No, I have not done the research, but that number seems likely, doesn’t it?) Qwikster was going to handle the DVD-by-mail part, while instant streaming would still be available on Netflix.

There are times when a move like this would seem like a pain for consumers, but, it’s easy to see the reason is behind greedy shareholders and businessmen.

“If we split the service, make it inconvenient for all our existing customers, and charge more, we’ll so much money! Guaranteed! We are the best!” –Reed Hastings

Well, after months of an increased price and the original split announcement, Netflix has lost roughly a million of its subscribers. Then there was this last weekend.

So what did they do? What would everyone else do in these situations? They ran as fast as they could back to their comfort zones. Netflix is one whole unit again, and the world can sleep in peace tonight. Gone are the bad dreams of having two pay TWO bills for price of one service. No more questions like, “What’s a Qwikster?” Today, we are free again! Welcome back, Netflix. I know it was a rough month for you. Me too. Now I need to go get my friend’s password again.

To clarify, you same moochers now get added cartoons. Starting in 2013, you can see all your favorites installments of Shrek, Madagascar, and Kung Fu Panda. Given by 2013, there will probably be six more films in each franchise, making it an even better deal. Also by 2013, there will probably be a substantially smaller Netflix library anyway. A smaller base would then mean less viewers followed by less investors followed by less Netflix all together. Uh oh. But this is good news?!?! I think so?

The large amount of bad news to come with this medium amount of good news is that Netflix has lost Disney and Sony due to the end of its Starz deal. Oops. That’s a lot of good content.

Really, Netflix is in a tough spot because studios and premium cable channels hate it. However, streaming films on a computer or a new fangled television is the future. Either that or Blockbuster filed for bankruptcy way too early and people are going to want to walk into video stores and deal with the oh-so-friendly customer service they provided again. Party like it’s 1996!

“What’s a video store?” – Everyone in 2012

So while the future waits to confirm my suspicion, there is a little more good news on the horizon. Netflix MAY be reaching a deal with Warner Brothers to show some of its T.V. shows. There nothing as reassuring as a good maybe, that’s what my mom always told me. Good luck Netflix.

Just to recap:
Pros
Netflix gets Dreamworks Animation.
Netflix may almost be close to possibly working out a deal with Warner Brothers for television shows.

Cons
Netflix loses deal with Starz soon.
Netflix loses Sony.
Netflix loses Disney.
Netflix charges more, loses customers.

With the exception of The Dark Knight Rises, The Avengers is the summer movie of next year. Comic Con was left by the wayside because Disney is really enjoying owning the rights to Marvel. Nice move Disney.

A year or so ago was the first time all the Avengers were together. That was amazing. What is even more amazing is clips from the film that D23 now has. (Apparently these are not going to be available online any time soon. We’ll see…) Reports are there were a bunch of cool scenes that were mostly owned by Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark. He seems to be the natural lead, and, realistically, the the most bankable. Sure, Samuel L. Jackson is the head of S.H.E.I.L.D. but Downey Jr. will dominate. Blogs are exploding about the line:

Loki: I have an army.
Stark: We have the Hulk.
(Me: Good one Stark.)

Hopefully that humor runs deep in The Avengers script. But this is about D23 as a whole. With that as well as information about Brave, John Carter, and Oz the Great and Powerful, the line up was stacked. It’s not that there wasn’t any interest in Comic Con because of course there was, but it was clearly overshadowed this year. If D23 continues and runs with the momentum, it may be a more powerful force. Because it seems as if Marvel and D23 could be a match made in heaven. But maybe we’ll have to wait to see until The Avengers is no longer a major player if they can really hang on.