A ‘trailer’ for the 84th Academy Awards has recently been released online. And guess what? It’s for the kiddies.

Well, no, it’s not. It’s an attempt to make the kiddies think that the adults are funny and hip. Did you know adults have seen actions/suspense movies? They totally have! They know the stereotypes! They love cameos like the younger folk! Megan Fox!

However, when your cameos include Vinnie Jones and Robin Williams, you may still be alienating a younger demographic. Because while I’m sure many kids loved Snatch and Good Will Hunting, it is still hard to care that either of them show up.

“It’s obvious he transformed into a yeti!” – another classic Robin Williams line

This year there is no need to skew the Oscars younger. Their best bet is to focus on next year. Billy Crystal will have four good jokes, so that’ll win the older demographic. With Best Picture nominations likely to include a silent film, one set in the 1960’s south, and one about the death of a spouse, it seems maybe children and young adults may not be tuning in anyway? Probably not? Is anyone else getting that vibe?

“I hope Albert Nobbs wins!” – no one under the age of 80

But don’t fret. This trailer ended with a perfectly placed in 2012 texting joke. Oh, MAN! Only good stuff here. I’m sure there will be more of these before the actual show on February 26th, so if you enjoyed this, lucky you. For the rest of us, we’ll talk in 2013.

Games that are not fun: Zathura and Jumanji, the latter the subject of this post. I guess that depends on what you look for a game. Me? I like having a couple of friends or family members sitting around, catching up, having a good time. I don’t like foreign animals in my kitchen or closet trying to kill me. Mostly because I don’t like Russian roulette with animals. If you do like this, feel free to disregard everything following.

Like I said before, I think games should be fun, so I don’t fault Alan, Judy, or Peter for wanting to play a game they found in the attic. Old games are fun. My grandma loves rummy; take that as you will. But seriously, there’s a certain curiosity to finding some relic from the past. No fault here. In fact, this has nothing to do with them. They did what any normal person would do. The issue is the game.

Games don’t come to life! That in no way, shape, or form is a thing. Maybe Mouse Trap because it’s 3D? But, still: no! Jumanji coming to life is like getting into actual trouble after playing Trouble. You don’t live, have a career, and die in LIFE. And I think we all wish, when we won Monopoly, we could actually collect a ton of money from people stopping by. But, those are not the things, which is why we play them. They are just time killing, figments of our imagination.

But when a psycho former crossing Robin Williams appears out of nowhere, it gets real. I can’t think of too many scarier things unless Marilyn Manson woke me up in the middle of the night and simply mouthed the word, ‘Boo!’ The last thing I would do is welcome him into my life, and allow him to shave in my bathroom. Yuck!

But there is something I blame the kids for. Think about this. The man who happens to be Robin Williams just appears out of nowhere. He tells you the next turn belongs to a girl he knew as a child. They had a thing. But then he got trapped in a board game. Now, it’s time to go to her house, and convince said woman to take her turn. She has a whole different life. And she’s not involved. You are ruining her life; dragging her into something there is no reason for her to be involved in. (I know the end is happy, but if you really cared for her, you’d leave her out and find another way.) Poor woman.

Luckily, here, it works out fine. Kid’s movies have that effect on themselves. But that would be traumatizing for any child to go through. Life and death isn’t something you laugh off ever, let alone at that age. Don’t go to Mr. Williams: Shoe Owner for your problems either because, realistically, it’s weird that you can figure out the two of them (who have completely revamped their previously lives completely) once knew you. Jumanji, please.

YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

Becker worked with Reynolds again when directing and co-writing 2002’s Buying the Cow, which was bumped to just a standard DVD release, but still poorly received.

One TV movie called 1321 Clover (which I’ve never heard of and don’t ever plan to see) and yet only five years later it was another breakout hit for Becker with Wild Hogs. The road trip comedy had a stellar cast, including Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence, John Travolta and William H. Macy, with a screenplay by a writer who penned episodes for both My Name is Earl and Arrested Development. However after seeing this movie in March of 2007, I felt ashamed that at one time I thought that these guys were actually funny. Hogs was childish, it misused the actors talents and, most importantly, it was just flat-out not funny in the least bit. The only good thing to come out of Wild Hogs was that due to a sold-out showing one night, I got to check out Marc Lawrence’s Music and Lyrics, which I really enjoyed.

So I wasn’t the least bit excited for Old Dogs. For one reason because the title sounded way too similar to Wild Hogs, and another because I didn’t want to see Robin Williams humiliate himself after loving the guy so much in Worlds Greatest Dad; plus, this movie isn’t even remotely about dogs. It’s about two old guys who get stuck taking care of two seven-year-olds. Bo-ring!!! Why would I want to suffer through that when I can go check out Ninja Assassin two theaters down? Anyway, I was happy to see that critics hated this movie as well. Mick LaSalle of the San Francisco Chronicle had this to say about the movie: “The great thing about comedy these days is that few people are making movies like Old Dogs.” What? I agree with him about the movie being bad, but “few people are making movies like Old Dogs?” Obviously this man hasn’t been to the movies in the past couple of months.

As you know by some of my “Early Reviews” posts here on The Movie Banter, I am an avid reader of the movie website Cinema Blend. Their review of Dogs was also a scathing one, however Katey Rich said in her screening of the film that the audience was hooting with laughter throughout. Is the American audience that easy to entertain? A few crotch jokes and fart gags and the man next to you is nearly choking on the popcorn he’s trying to swallow. It’s a mystery how Disney can release a good movie like A Christmas Carol in the same month it releases this piece of trash. However I place most of the blame on the shoulders of Walt Becker and you, America. On Friday Old Dogs grossed $6.9 million; don’t let that pile grow any higher than it already is because we know that it’s being used to fund Wild Hogs 2: Bachelor Party. You don’t believe me? Go to the movie theater in early 2011. Just don’t try to eat popcorn at the same time you’re watching in case Becker makes William H. Macy wear a thong again.